INT. Kate & Wendy's house in Manchester - evening

Kate and Russell are kneeling on the floor playing with two-year-old twins Alex and Keisha. The television is playing to itself in the background. They are a picture of domestic bliss and society’s common view of supposed normality. Wendy comes in and throws her coat over the back of the sofa. Walking over, she smiles and squeezes Russell’s shoulder in a loving gesture, before leaning down and kissing Kate in a long lingering kiss.

Kate

Hi you, you’re home early

Russell

She can smell my cooking, can’t you?

Wendy

You know me too well mate. So have I missed anything? Early yes we finished the promotion quicker, so it was a swift one at the wine bar and a choice of another and another and, or back to the love nest soooooooooo

Kate

Yes as a matter of fact you missed Russ getting himself a cool job.

Russell

Audition sis, not job, its hardly the same thing at all.

Kate

Come on Russ you’ll walk it, you know you will and Lorna practically said so herself, she should know.

Wendy

He’s right darling, you can’t say he’s got anything until he goes and does his thing.

Kate

But Lorna said.

Wendy

Lorna is a London agent and for some fucking reason everyone thinks agents who can boast a London address are something else, but honey trust me they’re no better than any other agent, just nearer to things that’s all.

Russell

What she says, she should know, well shouldn’t she?

Kate

well its a good audition.

Wendy

Yeah what’s it for?

Russell

Its a kind of Sci-Fi detective, a bit like The Sweeney meets Dr Who

Kate

Tell her what’s its called, its really cool.

Russell

I’m getting to it.

Wendy

come on then?

Russell

Its in the trees

Wendy

Its in the trees! What’s that about?

Russell

Hmmmmm well maybe its a working title I don’t know I thought it sounded artistic.

Russell walks off towards the kitchen in a bit of a strop.

Kate

I thought it sounded good, aww poor thing, you’ve upset him, you know what he’s like.

Wendy

Yep proper drama queen poor love, you’d never think he was straight would you?

They dissolve in fits of laughter

Russell (OOV)

Oy! I heard that, you’re jealous you bitch just cos I can dance like Billy Elliot.

Kate

I keep forgetting he’s not gay.

more laughter all three are now laughing very hard. Russell walks back from the kitchen holding a spatula, still laughing.

Russell

So what is so uncool about Its in the trees?

Wendy

Yeah what’s there not to like about that?

Tears on her cheeks, she dissolved into more laughter. We hear Razzle Dazzle from Chicago and only realise its a ring tone when Russell snatches up his mobile.

Russell

Hello yes, oh Hi Lorna, yep can do, can you email that to me, cool. Okay bye.

The two women watch in silence they are still smiling from the shared joke. As he puts the mobile away, they both nod questioningly.

Russell

Lorna just letting me know my call time and such.

Kate

And?

Russell

Next Thursday London, Wandsworth, some hotel, she’s going to email me a map, some details and a character breakdown, so fingers crossed for me.

Wendy

Don’t we always, you know we’re your biggest fans. So tell me what is the character, you know background wise? Any idea?

Russell

Just that he’s a bit of a villain, Cockney I think, but Lorna says not to play up to it accents or anything, she says the casting director wants natural, whatever that mean’s.

Wendy

Just be careful casting directors don’t always know what they want and that’s why there’s so much bloody typecasting going on all the time, you know sometimes its better to give em what they want as an end result, that way it makes it easier for them, you know?

Russell

Maybe.

Kate

Russ mum phoned today she wants us for dinner Sunday.

 Wendy

 Bet I wasn’t invited. Oh its great your audition being Thursday, as you’ll be able to make Pride on the weekend.

Russell

Wouldn’t miss it for the world, all those coming out stories I can hardly wait.

Kate

Its not that bad(BEAT) and as a matter of fact Wendy you were invited, you know what they’re like they’ll come round one day.

OFF THIS

EXT.  park in Cheshire – early Evening

The local park where we find Pete and Astrid Morton. The Morton’s are a typical working class couple made good. They escaped their hard upbringing in Manchester and retired early to Cheshire, thanks to hard work. Astrid was a teacher and Pete a builder. Pete is ashamed of his children. He had models of perfection made for his offspring and these have been crushed by adult reality and their lifestyle choices. Astrid wants to forget the hard struggles of the past and just enjoy life and their early retirement, but Pete is proud of himself, but not his past and wants to erase his history and better himself, he is something of a would be social climber and is very aware of his wife’s better education and this is a touchy subject for him. They have a little Fox terrier this is Astrid’s choice, as Pete would have rather liked an Alsatian given the choice.

Astrid

I phoned Kate this morning and invited them this Sunday, thought it would be nice. I hope Russell can make it.

Pete

I suppose that woman will be coming.

Astrid

Well she is Kate’s friend.

Pete

Friend! You make me laugh woman. you know what she is, so why the play acting?

Astrid

Don’t, please don’t spoil things, not for Kate, she’s still our daughter no matter what.

Pete

And God knows why Russell chooses to live with them in that house. I mean when he lost his flat after breaking up with Fiona he could have moved back here with us. But no! He chooses to live with, well in that environment. Those poor children they’ll grow up not knowing whether to be Arthur, or Martha.

Astrid

Please don’t joke.

Pete

I wasn’t aware any of this was a joke I mean it used to be illegal all this nonsense, but I do agree its better when its women, not as nasty by half, but its still bloody disgusting!

Astrid

I only pray Russell can stay normal in that place and to think he even goes to those funny shows with them, all that marching about with women like men and men well they can be sweet.

Pete

Bloody sweet, we had the army, that took care of that sort I can tell you. Pride they call it, what have they got to be proud of, that’s what I’d like to know, that lot should just keep quiet.

They exchange looks and turn instead to the dog. Pete throws a ball harder than he might and the dog runs after it, giving the now silent couple something to focus their attention on. After a long beat Pete turns to his wife, not meeting her eyes, as he plays with the dogs lead in his hand.

Pete

Anyway I might not be in Sunday

Astrid

What do you mean you might not be in? We always have a roast, you know we do. you never go out on a Sunday.

Pete

Might I believe was the word I used, not wouldn’t. I might be playing golf with Charles.

Astrid

Golf! you hate golf and you dislike Charles, you know you do.

Pete

dislike is an ugly word my dear I may not…

Astrid

Peter don’t patronize me please, its not fair and you yourself told me that Charles and whatever her name is were off the Christmas list and you said last time he cheated at poker (BEAT)well you did!

Pete looks sheepish and looks around for the dog who has not returned, but who we can see just a few yards away.

Pete

Where is that bloody dog? Roast? Well well well I would have thought the bovver boots and shaved head brigade would have all turned veggie by now anyway.

He looks smug, his wife looks at the end of her tether.

Astrid

What’s the use I ask you what is the bloody use? you are such a pig sometimes you really are. I’m going back to the car. You get Herman.

Pete stands silently watching Astrid as she walks away. He turns his attention to the dog.

Pete

Come here boy, here Herman (BEAT) Herman, bloody stupid name for a dog, stupid woman! Come on boy lets get back to the car I think daddy would like a sherry.

Off this

INT. Kate & Wendy's house in Manchester - NIGHT

Kate, Wendy and Russell are sat drinking wine. We can see plates in a pile on the table from their meal. Music is playing in the background and the television is turned off. The living room is lit by a row of candles on the mantelpiece. The three are relaxed and in mid conversation.

Russell

So I was thinking maybe leather, PVC would look crap and the feel well you know.

Kate

You’d look cheap in vinyl you know you would and anyway leather

is better.

Wendy

Yeah leather is more more, what’s the word?

Kate

Butch.

Wendy loses a mouthful of wine and Russell pouts at his sister. They laugh together.

Sorry, couldn’t resist, but I still can’t see why you’re so hung up on what to wear.

Wendy

I can, its back to the typecasting crap with casting directors, to be fair its not so much them as producers, no its not them even, its the fucking industry nobody sees beyond their noses, its, we need a tall American male. Right! So lets look through spotlight at all the tall American men Hmmmmm that’s clever, it makes you laugh honestly its called acting because?(BEAT) Is there anymore wine?

Wendy drains her glass and looks hopeful at Russell, who reaches for the bottle and shakes it, he smiles and leans over to pour some for her, he is smiling and Kate is shaking her head in an oh here we go again kind of manner.

Kate

Look media types can we relax a little, come on Wendy do you have to be so anal (BEAT)

Silence all three look at each other, before bursting into hysterics. Russell pulls himself together.

Russell

So you two, is it leather or what?

Wendy

What?

Kate

Not with you, what’s the question?

Russell

Fuck! you two honestly, my outfit for the audition, that’s what.

Kate

Outfit Russ? You are so camp, next it’ll be a costume.

Russell

Well what would you call it?

Kate

Clothes, gear, clobber, but not outfit I say old chap where does one find an outfit to choose from?

Wendy

From one’s wardrobe one would suppose, not wanting to presume.

Russell

Fuck you two!

Russell is not angry just exasperated and laughing.

(BEAT)

Kate

Early night?

Wendy

Early night? Dink!

OFF this

INT. Pete & Astrid's house in Cheshire - DAY

It is Sunday and with the day comes Sunday lunch. We can see sitting around a large table Wendy, Russell, Kate, Pete & Astrid, in that order. The table is full of typical roast dinner items on various matching serving plates and as the scene opens food is being passed around between the family. Astrid has a look of mother hen about her and is in full manic mode, she is sitting, but giving the appearance of being on springs and ready to jump up and deal with any domestic emergency at a moments notice. There is a strained silence punctuated by very polite requests for potatoes, sprouts etc. Pete is glaring at the roast sitting on a plate. He jumps up and is followed by Astrid who picks up a carving knife and fork and hands them to her husband.

Pete

If nobody objects I’ll be the man and carve. Too many pairs of trousers at this bloody table for my liking.

More strained silence and polite smiles. Astrid unconsciously straightens her skirt and looks at Wendy and then quickly to Kate for an ally. Pete is being all man and setting to the roast likes it’s an old enemy from his past. In his haste to do a manly job, his results look a little like a scene from Silence of the Lambs. Astrid looks at the mess on the plate and back to Kate, who is herself transfixed by the testosterone fuelled carnage.

Astrid

So Russell how is your acting going? Anything nice coming up?

Pete

Acting! I’m surprised he’s not wearing a skirt, bloody acting I didn’t fork out for those drama lessons so you could be an actor lad.

Kate

Dad!

Russell

Its okay Kate. What do you mean by that? I mean drama? Acting hummmmm seems a bit of a link there to me.

More silence, but this time deafening. Astrid looks as though she might just run off into the kitchen, but instead begins to slowly move plates around on the table like a game of find the lady. Everything seems to be in slow motion. Pete looks directly at Russell and appears to have lost the ability to speak for a long moment.

Pete

Don’t get smart with me. Teaching that’s what I thought you were going into, a drama teacher, now there’s a profession, a career, not a frolicking friggin Jessie.

Astrid

Peter! Really! You can’t say that.

Pete

I bloody can and I do, lets face it love our lads a shirt lifter in the making, a Nancy boy. Why else would he be sharing a house with their kind and playing nanny to you know?

Everyone is silent and all are looking into the tablecloth. There is a hint of blood and murder in the air. Pete himself looks down at his shoes and polishes one on his trouser leg. The moment passes. Astrid breaks the silence as she steps forward.

Astrid

Lets eat.

Russell

Mum in answer to your question. I have an audition this Thursday in London, its for a London villain.

Astrid and Pete sit down. Astrid makes a big face of a smile trying to show amazing interest in her sons news. Pete sniggers loud enough to be heard.

Pete

Who you going to be Ma Kray? villain ha!

Astrid

Peter please.

Kate

Yeah dad give it a rest will you.

Pete shrugs his shoulders in a what have I done kind of gesture. He picks up the plate of slashed meat and offers it towards Russell.

Pete

Here son you need some of this, might make you tough, they’ll not want any meat I suppose!

Kate and Wendy exchange give me strength looks and say nothing. Astrid stares into space. The plates are slowly filled in silence and they begin eating at a deathly choking pace. Water is poured loudly and then Pete stands to make a show of pulling a wine cork, ending up red faced when he can’t pull it. He looks at Kate, Wendy and Russell.

Pete

Whichever one of you is the man can you have a go at this cork?

The three of them look at him in stunned silence. He smiles in petty victory.

Pete

I rest my case, bloody perverts the lot of you.

Pete bends over double and gives the cork his all. It pops and he pants heavily but smugly. He pours out the wine and Astrid hands the glasses around in a very rigid fashion. They each drink quietly and painfully. Russell clears his throat and speaks.

Russell

Lorna thinks I should get this part and if I do, well it could lead to a much bigger role later on in the series.

Kate

Lorna’s Russ’s agent, she’s a London agent mum.

Wendy looks skyward. Pete looks a little impressed, Astrid looks relieved.

Astrid

London, well now that is something, isn’t it Pete?

Pete looks trapped and has no choice but to respond.

Pete

I’ll give you that lad, a London agent is not something to be sniffed at. If there’s one thing I’ve taught you its to aim high and that you’re as good as anyone else. I’ve taught them both that. Haven’t I Astrid?

Astrid looks in her element and happy at last. She is however still in manic mode. Pete is coming into his own.

Astrid

Yes you have, good sensible values.

Pete

Yes that and fairness, treat those around you as you’d want to be treated yourself. You’ll not go far wrong with that rulebook.

Kate, Russell and Wendy sit shocked and dumbstruck at Pete’s explanation of practical parenting volume one. They sip wine. Astrid looks from face to face and decides with a quick smile to break the now thin covering of ice.

Astrid

So Kate where are your, well where are the little ones?

Kate attempts a little smile and patting Wendy’s hand looks at her mum, choosing to ignore her mothers obvious slight where the children are concerned.

Kate

They’re at Tom and Linda’s.

Wendy

Friends of ours. They’re a lovely couple and have a little boy themselves.

Pete’s ears prick up at the mention of a heterosexual couple. We see a smile creep across his face. He is smirking to himself as he moves a large sprout across his plate with his fork.

Astrid

They sound nice and.

Pete

Normal.

Russell

They are very nice.

Kate

and very normal, whatever that means dad.

We see Wendy tip her now empty wine glass up and put it upside down on the coaster. This catches both Russell’s and Kate’s eyes. We see Wendy smile. Kate and Russell both shake their heads in an effort to silence Wendy, but their expressions tell us that it’s a battle they all ready know they’ve lost.

Wendy

Tom is in sales admin and, so very good people.

Astrid

Nice, they sound very nice. Don’t they Pete?

Wendy

Linda is in transition.

Pete

Is that like stocks and shares, commodities, that sort of thing?

Both Pete and Astrid look suitably impressed. Kate and Russell look like they want the floor to open and swallow them. Wendy has the floor, the moment and is in her element.

Wendy

No no its nothing to do with her job, she’s a barrister. No transition is where she is at the moment in her life.

Astrid

So are this Tom and Linda separated?

Puzzled expressions are exchanged between Pete & Astrid. Pete turns and looks at Kate, ignoring Wendy, who notices and smiles to herself.

Pete

I can’t quite follow your friend Kate, what does she mean?

Kate

It doesn’t matter dad, its not important.

Russell

Its really nothing dad. Wendy drop it. Mum this meal is lovely.

Pete smiles sensing that he has Wendy on the ropes and decides to go for a knockout, or a submission. He pulls the sprout over and pins it with his fork, bringing his knife down resting on the sprout, ready to slice into it. He looks Wendy straight in the eyes.

Pete

Never mind that son. I’m very interested in this subject Kate’s friend wants to explain and I’m all ears. So do go ahead?

Pete looks smug, his knife hovers over the large sprout, which catches his eyes.

Wendy

Transition Pete is where a person is undergoing gender reassignment.

Astrid

Sounds fascinating.

Wendy

Linda was born a boy and the transition is one of gender, you know Pete the old meat and two veg.

It is too late and Pete’s sharp knife blade slices his sprout in half causing him to wince.